I just started this blog, literally like twenty minutes ago. I’ve had far to many blogs in the past and it’s always ended in the same way, that being me getting bored and quitting after about six months – a year. I’m not saying that won’t happen again, heck, if history’s taught me anything it should be that when it comes to blogs, and yes I admit it: I am a quitter!
But this time I feel like something is different. This time I feel I have a reason to start blogging. I’m not just doing it because I want to share reviews of mascaras and lip gloss or solely because all my friends were doing it at the time. This time I feel like I’m doing it to save lives. My life in particular, but anyone who wishes to join me will be most welcome to.
When I say “save my life” I am not talking about actual life and death. That was the current situation a few months ago, but right now I doubt that my situation is lethal. No, what I mean is that I want my life back! I no longer wish to be a slave under calorie counting, body dysmorphia and self hatred. I want to be free.
About six months ago I was diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa. Since then I’ve managed to put on a lot of weight. Far more than what’s necessary in my opinion. But then again I know I’m wrong. I’m not stupid you see. I think we should clear that up right away. Anything I write on here regarding negative body image, thoughts on what’s too fat, too skinny etc. are thoughts that apply to MY BODY ONLY. I would NEVER recommend anyone to treat themselves the way I treat myself. I know exactly what a healthy body needs in terms of nutrients and exercise. I know exactly what a healthy body looks like and that we can’t always judge from the outside what the inside is like (meaning the physical state). But for some reason I just can’t seem to get all this to apply to my own body and mind.
So that is what I mean when I say I want my life to be saved. Because what I have right now isn’t really a life. At least it’s not something I would accept for anyone else.
And at last I just want to say that if I feel that this blog at any point becomes anything else than a recovery blog I will delete it straight away. There are already far too many Pro-Ana websites and blogs out there and the last thing I want to do is to trigger or be “thinspiration” to someone who really just needs professional help.
That being said I hope that this blog will help me and others to recover and realise that we’re not that bad after all. But most of all, I just want to kick Ana in her skinny little ass.